


Stitches

by vegitodorito



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Angst, Body Dysphoria, Flashbacks, Trans Male Character, descriptions of violence, frieza sux, king vegeta is a supportive dad, top surgery, trans vegeta, vegeta doesnt take care of himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-07-08 00:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15919011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vegitodorito/pseuds/vegitodorito
Summary: He feels out of place. Always. He’d do just about anything to stop the starting, to be comfortable in his own skin. When he’d heard of certain doctors, ones that would perform surgeries to flatten his chest, at first he didn’t believe such a thing could be done, but as he’d done more research he found it was true. It was expensive, far more than he had ever spent on anything, he saved for months, skipping meals and trips to the med bay, just to scrape together enough credits.Vegeta gets top surgery, and needles to say -just like everything else- it doesn't go well for him.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This work is un-betad because I was just so eager to post it. However thank you to my friend @heckalotta for helping me out and my friend @flame-cat on tumblr for giving me the push I needed to post this :)
> 
> If you're a transphobe, TERF, truscum, or transmed get the fuck out. you're not welcome here.

Working under Freeza was hell, Between the beatings, barred meals, and lack of sleep, he’s surprised he’s lived this long. He has no peace of mind, even in the confines of the Saiyan’s shared bunk -or in his own room, if they were so lucky while on missions. He never dares to take off his armour, not only for fear of attack, but for the itching feeling that he’s being stared at. Hiding his chest is a top priority, and the standard issue armour does the job well enough, for now. For now is always what worries him the most. He’s growing, slowly, but steadily, he’s getting taller, building more muscle, surely his chest size would increase as well, wouldn’t it? At seventeen he’s still a few years from physical maturity, but more and more it’s becoming clear to him that he will never be the size his father was, or now, even the size of Raditz. Another setback, another testament to his weakness. He’s been told time and time again, a small stature is an asset, to be underestimated is always an advantage, but he hates it. Hates the way opponents look at him and laugh. It feels good proving them wrong, but never good enough.  
  
He feels out of place. Always. The showers are perhaps the worst, although Freeza’s ships provides a fair amount of privacy between stalls, they’re crowded, and filled with the disgusting brutes under Freeza’s employ. He adamantly reminds himself that what people perceived him to be is of no importance to a Prince, The Prince, but being looked at the way starving men look at bread makes both his knees shake and his blood boil. He wants nothing more than to show them all just how much stronger he is, just how much more power he contains. He’d done it once before, he felt an appendage snake up his leg and sent the bastard ten feet through the nearest wall. He didn’t have long to drink in his rare little victory before he was called in to a meeting with his superior. A lash from that powerful tail across the stomach reminded him, oh so painfully, how much farther he had to progress.  
  
He’d do just about anything to stop the starting, to be comfortable in his own skin. When he’d heard of certain doctors, ones that would perform surgeries to flatten his chest, at first he didn’t believe such a thing could be done, but as he’d done more research he found it was true. It was expensive, far more than he had ever spent on anything, but he’d be damned if he’d let an opportunity like this slip away. He saved for months, skipping meals and trips to the med bay, just to scrape together enough credits.  
  
All of this leads to tonight. Their last mission awarded him the credits he needed, and as the ship’s lights dimmed for its dark cycle, he was ready to slip away undetected.  
  
It wasn’t Freeza or his lackeys that Vegeta was avoiding, but his own companions. If they knew what he was up too surely they’d stop him, or try too, an injury of this degree -self inflicted or otherwise- would severely affect his ability to complete missions. It’s not that Vegeta hasn’t thought of recover time, he just doesn’t care.  
They had no immediate missions lined up, and besides, he was a Saiyan, how long could it take?  
  
Across the room Nappa begins snoring, and it’s the sign he’s been waiting for. Carefully and quietly he slips on his boots and armour, and leaves. From there it’s a short trip to the pod bay, and a few hours to the overpopulated ball of pollution where this “doctor” was to be found.  
  
All is silent as he steps into the hallway, and for a moment things seem like they’re going to work out, for once.  
  
“Aren’t you apes usually asleep at this hour?” It was Zarbon, it had to be.  
  
Vegeta doesn’t bother to turn, but within seconds the green monster stands to block his path anyhow. He towers over Vegeta, and Vegeta can’ avoid noticing just how obviously he revels in it. “Perhaps the Prince of all monkeys is going to shower himself off? You certainly need it.”  
  
Anger passes over Vegeta in waves, but he keeps his eyes looking past his adversary. He can’t beat Zarbon in a fight, he wouldn’t even come close, god knows he’s tried. A beating is the last thing he needs right now, but his pride takes over, and his ki sparks in the air around him..  
  
“Let me pass.” He gritts, keeping his glare downcast.  
  
“And if I don’t?”  
  
Vegeta bites his tongue.  
  
“Well?”  
  
Again, he says nothing.  
  
Before Vegeta can react, Zarbon grabs him by the collar of his armour and hoisted him to eye level, effortlessly. Vegeta locks on to the arm and thrashed in his grip, but Zarbon holds steady. Yellow eyes stared at him with disgust.  
  
“Don’t make me ask you a third time, scum.”  
  
Vegeta feels his anger overtake him and with a panicked thrust he lands a kick to the center of Zarbon’s face, a good one. With the momentum of his kick, and Zarbon’s temporary disorientation, he manages to free himself and fall to the ground. Without leaving time to think, he runs. Down one hall, then the next, he turns corners with no regard to where they’ll take him, so long as it’s away from Zarbon. Abstractedly he reminds himself of his destination, the pod bay, but escaping Zarbon’s rage is his first concern.  
  
“I’LL KILL YOU FOR THAT YOU FILTHY FUCKING BEAST!” The sound echoes through the metal corridors, and Vegeta can’t tell where it’s coming from, but he hears footsteps, fast and determined.  
  
He tries to keep a level head as he runs, rounding one corner, then the next, and through several maintenance passages. He doesn’t slow his pace however, Zarbon is no idiot, not like Dodoria and the rest of the Freeza force, and there was a chance he was still searching for Vegeta.  
  
In some forgotten back corner he waits, unsure for how long exactly, but long enough to catch his breath, and long enough to be absolutely sure he had left his assailant behind.  
  
Finally he leaves, and makes his way to the pods. After climbing inside, and setting his destination, he is launched into the dark expanse before him. He always finds a small comfort in the idea that, temporarily, all of his burdens are behind him, on that hellhole of a tin can. He enjoys being alone in his pod, on long trips he likes to shut off his scouter and leave the ceaseless chit-chat to Nappa and Raditz. Shutting everything -his anxieties included- out to stare at the infinite stars.  
It’s nice, he thinks, the calm quiet of space. He doesn’t understand why Nappa has an apprehension about the pods, he claims they’re unsafe. Oddly enough, they’re the one place Vegeta does feel some semblance of safety. He’d stay out with the stars for years, if he could.

***

  
_The King of Vegetasei and his heir stand facing a castle window late in the evening, the sun sets over the red peaks in the distance, and millions of stars begin to dot the black sky above them._  
  
_“Father.” Says the child._  
  
_“Yes my princess.”_  
  
_“It’s prince now,” the young boy corrects, “I’m going to be a prince.”_  
  
_“Why would you want to do that?” he asks calmly._  
  
_“If I’m a prince I get to be king, like you.”_  
  
_“You’ll rule this kingdom no matter what,” the king kneels to be eye-level with his child, “the potential you possess is unquestionable. You could be queen, if you wanted too.”_  
  
_“No.” says the child, simply, “I am going to be king.”_  
  
_The King chuckles, “Very well then, my prince, what is it that you need?”_  
  
_“Tell me the legend of the super saiyan again.”_  
  
_“Again?”_  
  
_“Yes, please.” _  
__


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to flame-cat on tumblr :) and thank YOU for reading

“My Prince... Vegeta?” 

The sound of his name pulls him out of what feels like eternal rest, but he isn’t ready to join the waking world just yet, his drug induced sleep clinging to him. He mumbles something about being fine, and explaining later, without waiting to see if he’s been understood he sinks back into darkness.

“Vegeta?”

An indeterminable amount of time later, he peels his eyes open, he feels dry, and as his consciousness returns to him, a dull ache forms on his chest. A groan escapes him and he turns to see if he’s been heard, thankfully the saiyan’s shared room is empty, and Vegeta guesses it must be some time during the day. He remembers the night before, but only vaguely, stumbling half-conscious out of the surgery room, jamming coordinates into his pod, and making his way through the ship before collapsing into his own bed. 

Vegeta moves to examine his bandaged chest but immediately he is met with a dull ache, and he winces. With a fresh reminder of exactly which muscles have been injured he tries again, this time keeping his elbows resting stiffly at his sides. He prodds gently, and feels the injury, but if he was to be honest, it’s satisfying. It means something, it means progress.

Some time later in the day, the metal door slides open and in walks a mass of hair, followed by Raditz himself. Vegeta had managed to sit himself up in his bunk, and was cleaning his armour to pass the time.

“Oh shit, you’re alive.” Sneers Raditz “Man what the fuck happened to you last night? We tried to wake you up in the morning but-”

“I got my tits cut off.” Vegeta deadpans.

“You… what? Seriously? You’re serious?” Suddenly, Raditz was far closer than Vegeta likes having anyone, he wants push him away, but pain limits the movement of his arms.

“Step off.” Vegeta snaps, doing his best to push both his would-be older brother, and his growing headache away.

“Come on man let me see!” 

The headache grows. Vegeta swats Raditz away again “I’m covered in bandages you dunce.”

“Why not use a healing pod?”

Vegeta sighs “I don’t _have_ anymore _credits_.”

Raditz hums in understanding and leaves Vegeta’s personal space to sit on his own bunk, in the opposite end of the room. Both of them are silent for a while, and Vegeta feels himself relax again, slightly. 

“Nappa was worried, you know.” Comes Raditz’s voice after some time.

“Shut up.”

“Why didn’t you tell us? We could have helped you.”

Vegeta rolls his eyes, as if they’d be of any help. He managed fine on his own. “If you want to help shut up and let me sleep.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure your majesty.” He mocks again, “I’ll wake you up when we get back from dinner.”

With that Vegeta does his best to ignore the other presence in the room, and sleep again. He’s uncomfortable, and sweaty, and itchy, but the promise of waking up feeling better is enough to help him drift off. Unlike his uneventful sleep the night before, this one brought him strange dreams, and twisted visions of the past. 

***

_Vegeta hasn’t seen his father in three years now. He misses him, he’s missed him since Freeza gripped his wrist and dragged him down the steps of the castle and away into space. Nappa keeps telling him that they’ll see him again one day, one day soon, but days keep passing. Some days he catches himself staring at his reflection, shocked at how much he resembles the king; it wasn’t anything he hadn’t heard before, but now it felt so much more important, it was something physical. The only tangible evidence of his heritage that hadn’t been torn from him, his crest, his cape, all had been replaced with standard issue armour and uniforms._

_“Hey, you done staring at yourself kid? We’re about to leave.” Raditz pipes up from behind him._

_The boy turned and followed Raditz out of their sparse room and into the twisting halls of Freeza’s ship. “Do you know anything about taking new names?” He asked._

_“Like… In marriage?” Raditz responded, turning to face his small superior._

_“No,” said the boy, “I’m thinking of taking a new first name, my father’s name.”_

_“Vegeta? Why not pick a new one?”_

_The boy looked down, and spoke quietly, “It’s the only one I like, and… I-I miss him.”_

_Raditz was quiet for a while. He was young, only thirteen, but he understood well enough what was going on around him, and had already accepted the possibility that they might never see their home again. Life far from easy living under Freeza, but it was hardest for the Prince. Already the young boy was becoming anxious and reclusive, but more concerning was the pressure he put on himself; to be stoic, to be strong, to be independent. Raditz wanted nothing more than to help his friend feel more at ease, even if it was just a little. “Alright then, Vegeta it is.” He paused for a moment, “Y’know what, I think it does suit you.”_

_Vegeta smiled reservedly, and Raditz realized it was something he had never seen before._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully i'll be able to get the next chapter up as quickly as this one, sorry they're such short chapters! I'm just not the JRR Tolkien type haha. Thanks again for reading!


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one has angst... sorry

As promised, Raditz wakes Vegeta after they return from the mess hall, his grumpiness immediately dissolves when he sees a small plate of food that they managed to bring him. 

They’re both oddly quiet as he eats.

“What?” He asks stubbornly.

“Do you have to ask?” Nappa jabs, pulling out his concerned-guardian voice.

“What I do with my free time is none of your business.”

Abruptly, Nappa stands “It becomes our business when you stumble back here in the early hours of the morning, injured, and not in your right mind, and almost immediately after we receive a notice that we’ve been given a new assignment, courtesy of Zarbon.”

Vegeta stops eating, “What?”

“We have a mission, day after tomorrow, the planet’s covered in fucking snow and rebels and caves, and we’re supposed to clear it.” Raditz flops backwards onto his bed, and sounds defeated, “We’re supposed to clear it in four days, without any collateral damage.”

Vegeta feels his stomach drop, and his appetite disappears.

Nappa sits down next to raditz, and his expression softens a little, “It’s not my place to ask my lord, but what happened.”

“I left the base last night, Zarbon caught me in the halls.”

“...And?” Raditz encourages.

Vegeta feels defensive, “And?” He retorts, “And I kicked him in the fucking face.”

Nappa sighs and leans his head in his hand, “And then you went for surgery?”

“Yes.”

“How long ‘till you can fight again?”

“I’m fine.” Vegeta turns and swings his legs off the side of the bed, “It won’t be a problem, I’ll have full function by then.” He stands, and the room tilts, but he leans backwards onto his bed; the others don’t seem to notice, he keeps his arms crossed carefully over his chest. 

Raditz sits up, and tosses a scouter across the room, towards Vegeta. “Catch!”

Vegeta doesn’t even turn his head to watch as the scouter hits the wall next to him and lands in his bed. Normally he could have caught it without a second thought, but he knows how bad the damage is, he knows this isn’t going to be easy.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Says Raditz, laying back down.

Again, Nappa sighs, “How much do the healing pods cost this month?”

“Seven thousand credits.” Raditz replies flatly.

“How many do you have left Vegeta?”

“Four.”

“Four thousand?” Nappa presses, with a hopeful tone.

“Just four.” Vegeta grits.

Raditz laughs, genuinely and hysterically, “Were fucked!” He sits up again, “We’re fucked! We can barely afford meals for tomorrow, let alone the supplies we’ll need for this bullshit mission, you can’t even lift an arm to scratch your own ass! We’re going to run past the deadline, and then Freeza is going to kill us!”

Something inside vegeta snaps, and he steps forward away from his bed, “Me!” He looks poignantly at Raditz “Freeza is going to kill me! Don’t act like you’re the one in danger, it’s my fucking neck on the line!” Without turning to look, he leaves the room.

***

Hours later he’s still in the same spot, the small corner only a few mechanics and operators know of, but they wouldn’t be caught dead breathing his secret, unlike freeza’s brainless muscles, these lifeforms know better than to test Vegeta. It’s an empty pod-storage bay, now housing broken materials, a couple outdated modules, and one huge outward facing window. There he sits, his back to the wall, knees to his chest, looking out to space.

He watches several pods leave and return, and practices naming all the stars he can remember, anything to keep his mind off his chest, the medication has almost completely worn off, and it hurts, but not as much as the now-vivid thought of Freeza ripping him in half when they arrive late from their mission.

He doesn’t want to to think about it. He doesn’t want to remember the countless times he’s tasted his own blood in his mouth, felt his bones break, watch in terror as the world turns to black around him. He doesn’t want to think about it, but the memories won’t leave him.

Four days. A planet covered in snow, and idiotic inhabitants that don’t know when to surrender. Vegeta felt his heart rate increase, four days, even in top condition this would be a near-insurmountable task, but Raditz was right, he couldn’t even raise his arms past his shoulders. To top it all off they had no credits left for food supplies, and they would have to forage for what they could, assuming there was anything edible on the worthless ice ball.

He’s panicking now, trying desperately to remember what that back-alley doctor had told him, “Three days until the bandages can come off… an average of three weeks total recovery time, but if you really are Saiyan, like you claim, it could be as few as a week and a half… maybe ten days...” 

It’s not good enough, there’s not enough time. He begins to shake, and wraps his arms around himself in a fruitless attempt to stop it. _Freeza is going to kill me._ It echoes in his mind, bouncing off the inside walls of his head, his thoughts plunge him into a spiral. He feels tears form at the corners of his eyes but is powerless to stop the sobs that wrack his body.

_Vegeta, Prince of all Saiyans, last of his line, dead at seventeen._

_Dispatched by the same hands that slaughtered his father, and destroyed his home._

_Never good enough, never strong enough._

_Incapable of attaining the one thing he was born to achieve._

_Never a super Saiyan._

_Never king._

_Never anything but a slave._


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one contains some more descriptions of violence, nothing overly specific, but strong language is used so tw!!

It’s cold. It’s bloody fucking cold, and Vegeta is certain that if he’s out in this storm much longer, he’ll freeze solid. However as he braces against the wind and squints, trying desperately to see anything past five feet in front of him, he thinks freezing to death would be an easier alternative than what’s waiting for him on Freeza’s ship.

It’s been six days since they left. All things considered, the mission hadn’t seemed so difficult once they’d started, the inhabitants were predictable, easy to find, and the majority of them were located on only one hemisphere. However the odds stacked against them became more and more evident as the days progressed. 

Aside from shooting small ki blasts, and strategizing, Vegeta was dead weight. Forced to stand back and watch, by his own hand no less. This alone halved their efforts, but it was the storm that did them in.

It picked up on the first night, wind screaming past the entrance to the cave they’d sought refuge in. By the morning pellets of ice and snow flew so heavily through the air it was enough to make Nappa brace. Since then it had done nothing but escalate, and as sun sets on the sixth day, Vegeta is lost.

Nappa had split off to get some of the other stragglers, leaving Raditz and Vegeta together, and they’d scraped by with minimal injury, from cave to cave along the fault line below the mountains. 

He hadn’t meant to leave Raditz, as much as he said he’d complained. Flying the distance from one cave to the next the wind picked up to an extreme, and the two were blown off course. Visibility was no issue, so long as he could feel Raditz’s ki, but it kept getting further away. He was being thrown now, in every direction, chunks of ice and snow bombarding him. He can’t tell which way is up, or which way Raditz had gone, or where the icy rock face of the mountain is, until he hits it.

He bounces, and rolls, with all the momentum and grace of a corpse, back down the side of the mountain, and to the packed snow at its base. He lays still there for a moment, noting the numbness of his nose and ears, feeling the awful stretching pain of his stitches, not quite torn yet, from what he can feel, but it won’t make the healing any easier. 

Thoughts come slowly to him, and he thinks for a moment it might just be the temperature, but he rolls over and sits up, and sees red contrasted against the white snow. He blinks, and blinks again, and then his eye stings as blood flows down his face. He reaches up to investigate, just above his eyebrow, a gash, and undoubtedly, another concussion. 

He needs to find Raditz again, he can sense his ki but it’s far, and considering both his own state, and the state of the storm, he isn’t going anywhere. 

He stands, and immediately falls again. The cold has rendered his legs immobile. He tries again, with little success, and lets out a scream of frustration as he collapses. Curses stream from his mouth, and his rage fills him with artificial heat.

He all but forgets where he is until he hears voices over the wind. He looks up, but sees nothing, the dark and the snow shrouding everything. 

He’s done waiting, “I hear you!” He yells into the storm. Standing again, he assumes a fighting position, and lets his full power swell.

Out of the darkness comes two fur-wrapped creatures, both clutching simple spears, pointed in his direction. They step closer and without hesitation Vegeta unleashes two powerful blasts of energy, they hit their targets, leaving traces of ash and water vapour to be swept away.

There’s another one behind him, he feels the low power level, and spins around in time to grab a spear aimed for the center of his back. Lost in the fury of battle, the blinding simplicity, kill kill kill, he forgets himself.

As he rips the spear out of the creatures hand, he rips his stitches.

Pain overtakes his mind, and he drops the weapon to clutch his chest. He moves to kick the low-life in front of him, but he’s too late. It has already taken advantage of his moment of weakness, and now plunges a ragged dagger through his lower ribs.

_The audacity._

His mind shifts once more, from self-preservation, back to a pride-driven flurry of anger. 

_Nothing to lose now._

He slaughters the thing, covered now in its blood and his own. More vile, spearred creatures step into view. He lays waste to them, and the surroundings in turn, boiling snow and changing winds with his explosions. He fights recklessly, and fails to realize his fading vision, and it’s fading fast. Creatures obscure from his periphery, and abstractly he thinks perhaps it’s just the storm worsening. His other senses dull as well, the wind roaring around him sofens to the likeness of air streaming outside his pod, and he begins to lose his sharp grasp on how many creatures he’s fighting exactly, or where they are in relation to each other. All of this fades now, until only one thing catches his attention; Nappa’s power. It’s far, but approaching quickly.

He looks up, expecting to see his guardian land, but the storm must have gotten worse, he thinks, he can’t see him coming, Nappa’s power feels like it’s… fading. Vegeta feels something dull in his back, and turns around clumsily to see… _what.. is that thing?_

_Where is he?_

_Why is everything numb?_

_Why is he so tired?_

_So tired…_

_So tired._

_So…._

And then, he sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again thank you all so much for reading, i’m endlessly sorry for the wait, i was dumb and didn’t plan this far ahead so i’ve had to chip it out as i go.. i have a good idea of what’s coming next though! most likely it’ll be 2 more chapters (making 6 total) and a short epilogue, but nothing is set in stone.. for real tho thank you all so much


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for more violence and lots of blood, the bit at the beginning with F*eeza is skippable, if you don't like that stuff, but i kept it brief

“Well, Vegeta, what’s your excuse this time? Not that it would change anything.” Freeza’s shrill voice shakes him to his core.

Vegeta keeps his head bowed, but follows Freeza’s movements with his gaze as the grotesque creature circles him.

He’s quiet for a long time, trying to find his voice, finally he clears his throat and speaks as confidently as his fear will allow, “There’s no excuse.”

He’s behind Vegeta now, “I’m sorry Vegeta you’ll have to repeat yourself, I didn’t quite catch that.” 

Vegeta tries to breath deeply, “There’s no excuse, m-my lord.”

“Ah!” He exclaims, “There we go.”

He continues circling Vegeta, calm only on the surface, beneath, Vegeta knows there’s no limit to Freeza’s rage, and perhaps his power as well. 

“Now then, I’m sure you’re aware that I’m disappointed in you, Vegeta. I figured we’d be done with such foolishness after last time.”

He stops now, directly in front of Vegeta, and slowly reaches out to place an icy cold hand under the prince’s chin, Vegeta can’t help the violent flinch that courses through him. Freeza doesn’t seem to notice, and tilts Vegeta’s face to eye level. He stares at him, red eyes unblinking, “You do remember last time, don’t you Vegeta?”

Vegeta can’t help the trembling of his body. He closes his eyes for a moment, “Y-yes, my lord.”

Freeza’s hand slides downward to place his hand at the base of Vegeta’s throat. “Then why…” He begins to squeeze, and terror seizes vegeta at last. In one motion the air is ripped from his throat as Freeza reels backwards and throws Vegeta at the opposing wall. “must we keep having this conversation!”

Vegeta lands on all fours, gasping and wheezing desperately. Before he has time to recover he’s wrenched upwards by a fist in his hair. Helplessly his eyes meet Freeza’s again, and this time Freeza holds his gaze to bury his fist in Vegeta’s stomach. A horrible sound escapes him, and he tastes blood, a lot of blood. 

_Can’t breath._

He’s dropped again, and is barely able to support himself as his stomach empties in front of him.

_That's too much blood._

He looks, horror stricken at the floor, red spreading, seeping into his white gloves. He can feel it dripping off his lips, out of his nose.

Something hits his side, and he hears several sickening snaps. He bounces, and rolls, and every impact makes him cry out in pain. He lands, face up, to see Freeza stalk over.

He sighs theatrically, “When will you learn monkey? For Your sake it ought to be soon, I’m not sure your little body can do this for much longer.” 

***

Raditz drums his fingers nervously against his crossed arms, he’s not sure how much longer he can take this. His heart feels electrically charged. He looks again across the hall, to the door of Freeza’s chamber -the guard hasn’t moved. It’s been quiet for a while now, as chilling as it is to hear his closest friend cry in pain, it’s better than silence, and the possibility that he could be… that Freeza could have…

His train of thought derails with a horrible scream. Nappa curses under his breath beside him, and Raditz watches as he moves from his place against the wall, and begins pacing. 

“I can’t do this.” Nappa says with his face in his hands, “I can’t sit here and listen to this.”

For a moment Raditz is dumbfounded.

“Y-you can’t do this? He’s in there taking the fall for _us_ and you can’t take it? What- What the fuck are you _talking_ about! You selfish son of a-“

Nappa stops him, “I raised that boy. I raised the both of you, and if I have to see what Freeza does to him again… I can’t. I can’t see him like that.”

He turns in the direction of their bunks, but stops, he speaks in a low voice, and Raditz can tell he’s working hard to keep from breaking, “Whatever treatment he needs, get it on credit. Anything. I’ll work it off.”

“You can’t just leave, Nappa, he needs you. You can’t…”

But he’s already gone.

A stream of silent curses slips from Raditz’s mouth and he slides down the wall till he’s seated with his knees to his chest, head buried in his hands, trying desperately to ignore the sounds coming from that room.

He doesn’t know how much time passes, it could have been as few as five minutes, it might as well have been an eternity. The guard is signaled into the room, and then within seconds he’s out again, and he looks to Raditz.

“Lord Freeza is finished.” He states.

“Fuck.” He breathes.

Raditz scrambles to his feet and in the room. He stops dead when he takes in the sight in front of him. Blood is smeared across the floor in uneven tracts, a few scant handprints litter the edges of small, red pools. Freeza stands near the door on the other end of the room, wiping his hands on a cloth. 

He speaks flatly, “You realize, monkey, if the lot of you ever fail me like that again, I’ll have no choice but to kill him.” He chuckles, “Then, of course, you’ll be the one in his position, that would be quite the spectacle.” 

In the center of the room is a heap, for a moment Raditz thinks it’s too small to be Vegeta, too small to be anything really, but it moves, ever so slightly. He runs now, kneeling beside his prince.

“Oh gods.”

Freeza says something else as he leaves, but Raditz doesn’t hear it. He really looks at Vegeta now, he’s curled in a fetal position, gripping his stomach -and whatever gruesome injury lies beneath- for all he’s worth, and gods he’s pale. As gently as possible Raditz slides a hand under Vegeta’s face to get a better look at him, tear tracks break paths through blood spatter on his cheeks, and his eyes stay open, and unblinking. 

Raditz takes a deep breath, and tries to remember his training, “Hey… h-hey Vegeta, can you hear me?”

A blink, and a twitch, he seems to have snapped out of it, Raditz thinks. Vegeta screws his eyes shut and his face twists in pain. He releases a deep breath and a quiet wheezing escapes him, whatever happened, it’s bad.

“Okay… okay, uh… I’m gonna try to pick you up, alright?”

Vegeta groans again, and looks up to Raditz weakly. 

He slips an arm under Vegeta’s knees, and another under his shoulders, and as carefully as he can, picks him up. He needs to get to the med bay, fast, but he’s not sure how much movement Vegeta can take. They lock eyes again, but Raditz watches as Vegeta’s eyes roll backwards and flutter shut.

“Woah, hey buddy you gotta stay awake, you hear me?”

Vegeta winces as Raditz begins to move quickly through the ship’s halls. 

Again all the expression from Vegeta’s face fades, “C-come on now, you can sleep when you’re dead... look at me Vegeta.”

Another wheeze, and Vegeta opens his eyes, Raditz can’t get over how small he looks, how hurt, how… defeated he is.

“Okay that’s better, hey, you remember that planet we went to a couple years ago? The one with the field… a-and the lake?”

***

He can hardly Hear Raditz, hardly hear anything. He’s too focused on breathing, on how much it hurts.

“Hey! Look at me Vegeta. You remember, don’t you?”

He does.

_He never liked flowers before then._

_Never payed them any attention._

_And that lake…_

_Night came, and the impossibly still surface of the water reflected the millions of stars overhead._

_It was like standing on the beach… and looking out into the universe._

“Stay awake Vegeta, come on, just a few more minutes.”

_Is he… crying?_

“I’ll take you there, we can go... we’ll go see that lake again, I promise… Just… fuck, Vegeta, don’t die.”

_He wants to see that place again._

_He wants to sit in that huge field of flowers._

_He wants to see that lake,_

_To swim in it,_

_Maybe this time he could…_

He looks up, but Raditz looks so far away, like he’s at the end of some long tunnel between the two of them. He can’t hear him anymore, he’s still talking, he must be, but Vegeta can’t seem to pick it up… 

_Strange, that the best view of the universe was one he saw standing on the ground._

_He can see it now._

_Trillions of stars, not a single patch of darkness._

_Everything, all of it, is right out there._

_Maybe one day he’ll be a part of that,_

_Instead of being pitted against it,_

_Instead of destroying it._

_Instead of being destroyed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's gonna be a happy ending i promise!! its coming! thanks again i love you all


	6. :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i did cry while writing this

He wonders how many times he’ll wake up like this, looking at the ceiling above his bed, wondering how long he’s been out, how long the pain will last. But for the first time in a long time, today he isn’t alone.

Raditz has pulled up a chair and is sleeping soundly with his head and arms resting on Vegeta’s bed. Vegeta realizes this is what Nappa used to do, when he was younger. There’s a sharp feeling somewhere inside him, he wants to laugh, or maybe wake Raditz up, but he can’t describe what the feeling is. He just doesn’t have the words, Nappa had said that being a soldier would do that to you, that it would make you different. Vegeta didn’t have words for that either, being raised around soldiers meant he didn’t really know how people were supposed to be at all, other than fearful, or stupid.

After some deliberation, he opts for waking Raditz up. Surprisingly it takes quite a few good shakes before he stirs, and he looks tired, but upon seeing Vegeta awake he lights up.

“Hey! Holy shit, how do you feel?” 

“Dry.” Vegeta replied.

“Yeah the tanks will do that, but are you healed?”

“I… think so, but I don’t remember what happened.”

Raditz half chuckles, “Well you did lose a lot of blood at the end there so-“

“Any of it.”

He stops, “Like, at all?”

Vegeta nods. “The last thing I can think of is… that night in the cave on that stupid ice ball, did I freeze ...or something?”

Raditz thinks carefully for a moment, he knows Vegeta is prone to nightmares, panic attacks, dissociation, and it’s always the worst after something like this. He wonders maybe, if Vegeta doesn’t remember, maybe he could be spared a little pain.

“Maybe it’s best I dont tell you.” He says simply, he knows Vegeta would catch him if he lied.

Vegeta opens his mouth to speak, but stops, catching what Raditz means. He looks down solemnly, “So it was bad, then?”

“Yeah… but I knew you’d make it.”

“Where’s Nappa?” He asks.

“He’s off doing a couple odd jobs, to pay for the healing.”

“Well let’s go catch up then, we’ll pay it off faster together.” Vegeta says with tired responsibility.

“No way, prince reckless, that’s what got us into trouble last time. You aren’t doing anything remotely work-like until you’re better.”

“Raditz I outrank you, we’re going, and don’t call me that.” Vegeta sits up and begins to get out of bed, but Raditz is determined to break this vicious cycle.

“What if we go somewhere else instead?” He tries.

Vegeta has already begun dressing, he sighs, “Where do you propose we go?” 

“The beach.”

This finally makes Vegeta stop, “Why would we go back there.”

“Because I promised I’d take you…” 

“Why would you promise something so stupid.”

“To be nice…?” He tries awkwardly.

Vegeta cuts through him with a glare.

“Do I need a reason?” He counters, “You really liked that beach so ...let’s go back.”

“Raditz spit it out.”

There’s a moment of hesitation.

“I thought you were going to die.” He doesn’t look at Vegeta as he says it, he can’t, “I… didn’t know what to do, I thought you were going to die right there, in my arms… and I know you liked that beach, with the stars. So I promised you that if… if you lived I’d take you there again.” 

There’s silence between them now, Raditz looks at the floor, and Vegeta is struck again with something he doesn’t understand. 

Quietly, Vegeta breaks the tension. “Okay.” 

“Yeah?” Raditz asks, he studies his friends face for a moment, he looks… stunned, maybe? Overwhelmed? He can’t place it, but he’s sure Vegeta can’t either, and he finds a little comfort in that.

“Yeah.”

***

Their pods land in some lightly wooded valley of this empty planet, designated number T-1008357, but Raditz has decided to call it “Beachland” and refuses to let Vegeta call it anything else. 

As they step outside Vegeta remembers just how wonderfully this planet smelled, it’s vegetation was primarily flowering grasses of varying colours and shapes. For miles there was nothing but rolling hills and fields. It doesn’t take them long to find the lake from before, and Vegeta sits, knees to his chest, facing the water.

Raditz, however, wastes no time stripping down to his briefs and jumping in the water, sending ripples out into the otherwise still water. He turns around, now standing waist deep, “You’re not gonna swim?”

Vegeta thinks for a long time. The water looks nice from here, and he’s comfortable, but it would be refreshing, and there’s nobody else here. Nobody to see him undress…

Wait a minute.

Vegeta stands abruptly, “I forgot. I forgot about the…” Laughter bubbles up and interrupts his speech, he seems so shocked he can’t even finish, “I forgot the- the… surgery! My chest!”

“You forgot?”

He strips frantically now, taking no care to remove anything in any particular order, and throws it all down into a pile on the beach. Raditz is stunned, not only to see Vegeta so joyful, but to see him willingly strip off.

Vegeta looks down at his own chest, and he laughs again. Carefully he runs fingers over his new scars, even from a distance Raditz can tell they’re deep, and awfully gnarled, but Vegeta’s never looked prouder.

Raditz starts laughing too, listening to his small superior stammer in amazement and investigate his new chest. 

“Well? Are you gonna come in or what?”

Vegeta shouts back like the happy teen he deserves to be, “Stop telling me what to do!” But he smiles as he wades in to meet Raditz in the cool water

Without prompt, Raditz throws his arm over Vegeta’s shoulders and pushes him down into the water. Vegeta comes back up spitting in his face, and it’s on. The two begin grappling and throwing each other under the surface of the water, splashing and pulling hair and yelling. 

It ends eventually when Raditz locks Vegeta in a bear hug, and after a few minutes he stops struggling. 

Raditz looks down through many locks of wet hair, “You look good, man, congratulations.”

Vegeta chuckles, “Not much to congratulate.”

Raditz wants to argue, but beams of gold light catch his attention and he releases Vegeta, “Looks like the sun is about to set, you ready?”

Vegeta nods, and they return to the sand.

They both watch in silence as deep shades of red fill the sky, and as the lake settles back down to its near mirror-like state Vegeta’s heart begins to race in excitement. 

It’s breathtaking when it happens. The last streams of light disappear behind the horizon, their eyes adjust, and star after star makes itself known in the sky. The more Vegeta stares the more stars appear, and a smile spreads across his face.

Wonder shifts to something else, something he doesn’t recognize, but it fills him like helium. It’s strength, in a way he’s never felt it before, it makes him feel brave, secure, for a moment, unstoppable. He would later learn to call it hope, but for now, as he sits on that sandy beach, he’s content to let the nameless sensation fill him. He wants to savour this moment, he knows how rare times like this can be, he wants to remember this. 

He focuses on the sky again, beautiful galaxies now fully displayed against the blackness, and he tries desperately to burn it into his memory. His eyes dart from constellation to constellation, and he sees a comet go by ever so faintly. 

Absentmindedly, his hand returns to his chest, still unused to the feeling, but a revelation comes forward in his mind.

_Its permanent._

_And there’s nothing anyone else can do about it._

He smiles again, he can’t help it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanna give a big thanks to everyone again!!!
> 
> TBH this was a really big confidence booster to me, being a trans person, and it was good to get some of my baggage out on paper, sorry it was kinda sad a lot.
> 
> also sorry the end is kinda inconclusive, i was thinking of having a flash forward, but it just didnt seem to fit. I am really happy with the way this turned out though, and my fear of writing muli-chapter fics is easing lol
> 
> OH and one final thing: the whole time ive been writing this the doccument title has been "im trans and i do what i want" which really is the 2018 mood

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters won't be posted on a regular schedule but i will do my best to get this fic finished as quickly as possible! Im thinking 4/5 chapters total but I'm not 100% sure yet.
> 
> You can follow me on tumblr @supervegitos
> 
> Thank you so much for reading :)


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